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RA's or Resident Assistants are the overlords of college dormitory life. While Some RAs exist that are really chill and relaxed, unfortunately the majority stick strictly to their job, to “ensure a safe and orderly environment that encourages learning and social interaction” a.k.a. be a big pain in the ass. To become a RA-FAG most colleges run perspective RAs through what I call the gauntlet of gayness (Gog). The Gog takes heterosexual men to their breaking point and beyond in terms of socialization and being overly friendly.
After the college administration has weeded out all the non-pussies they send them to the dormitories where they often abuse their power by using their own self-righteous femminazi views to dish out “vigilante justice” in the form of constant threats of noise violations and drinking citations. Luckily, there is an arsenal of tactics available for the victims of this vaginal soaked tyranny to fight back with. Enjoy! NOTICE: TO ALL CONCERNED Certain text files and messages contained on this site deal with activities and devices which would be in violation of various Federal, State, and local laws if actually carried out or constructed. The webmasters of this site do not advocate the breaking of any law. Our text files and message bases are for informational purposes only. We recommend that you contact your local law enforcement officials before undertaking any project based upon any information obtained from this or any other web site. We do not guarantee that any of the information contained on this system is correct, workable, or factual. We are not responsible for, nor do we assume any liability for, damages resulting from the use of any information on this site. Ways to keep your RA under control.
Half Tarzan Technique The Tarzan Technique is a basic defensive measure against a RA's initial interrogation into your dorm room n to your room should you be doing something illegal (e.g. smoking/drinking/doing lines of cocaine off your best friend's sister's ass). To implement the Tarzan Technique follow the simple steps below.
This technique is effective because most RAs are not trained to correctly deal with sexual and pseudo-sexual situations. The Tarzan techniques thrives off the awkwardness and shock created between you and the RA(s). To further increase the potency/awkwardness of this technique grab a condom and hold it openly in your hand when you talk to the RA(s). Also if you are in a desperate situation you could try going with the Full Tarzan Technique (completely naked) as I have heard stories of its success. For the ultimate awkwardness get the whole room to go Full Tarzan while you answer the door with a raging boner (should be reserved for times of great hardship). Warning: This does not work on police, in fact it often pisses them off very much so. Risk/Danger to self:
Satisfaction:
Going Ape (mild)
Also known as sabotaging a RA's door, this technique is fundamental in createing a solid anti-RA environment. It is vitial that you establish floor dominance as soon as possi ble to avoid letting the RA think he is the boss. A standard way of "Going Ape" would be to rip papers off the RA's door while drawing penises/obscenities on their door/whiteboard with a permanent marker. This is a nice form of retributive justice in response to the typical RA bullshit such as telling your you music is too loud every fucking weekend or belittleing you for failing to attend their "mandatory" floor meetings. Warning: You may wish to avoid writing racial insensitivities on their door along with threats as this typically gets the popos involved. Risk/Danger to self:
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Door Jamming 
Depending on the way the doors have been installed in your dormitory facility this technique can differ in setup difficulty. I believe most doors in dormitories nowadays are installed to open inwards, but you live in one of the lucky dorms that have doors that open outwards you will have no problem implementing this technique. For outward opening doors simply get a chair and lean it at an angle underneath the doorknob of the unsuspecting RA's door. Inward opening doors require a bit more creativity to jam. One classic way to do it, is to tie rope/cord to one handle of the door then tie the other end of the rope/cord to a door on the opposite side of the hall, this works pretty well and effectively jams two doors. For this technique to work you must make sure the rope/cord is taunt and that the rope is tied securely to the handle of each door. Another way to jam outward opening doors is to find some sort of bulky object (preferably heavy) to attach the handle of the door. To put some nice icing on this technique try putting jelly or jam on the outside of their doors as well. Warning: Depending on how well you jam someone's door it could be considered constructing a fire hazard, which is a felony in most states. Risk/Danger to self:
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Lousiana Whitefishing Whitefishing combines the saisfaction of bragging about boning a (hopefully) hot chick with all the benefits of a terrorist bio-hazard attack. To do this technique follow the simple steps below:
When do correctly the Lousiana Whitefish is an excellent technique that instills mental weakness into the enemy. If you have any STDs this technique is even more physically potent. Risk/Danger to self:
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The Piss Frizbee The Piss Frizbee is usually reserved for when a RA does something that really bites your balls. Also known as the proxy piss the Piss Frizbee is sure to make any bitches room smell like a caveman's asshole. Follow these steps to unleash the Piss Frizbee!
Warning: Make sure there is enough clearance underneath the RA's door in order for the Frisbee to slide under. Also the FDA recommends that you was your hand after dealing with piss. Risk/Danger to self:
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**WARNING THE FOLLOWING ARE EXTREME IN NATURE AND SHOULD ONLY BE PREFORMED UNDER ADULT SUPERVISION. **
The Lockout
The Lockout is most effectively implemented on a Sunday night/Monday morning. When executed correctly this technique has the potential to fuck up a faggot's whole day and all you'll need is a hot glue gun. Heat up the glue gun then run to your RA's door while the gun is still hot. Quickly apply a generous layer of glue over the keyhole and/or keycard slot then run back. Make sure to completely cover the keyhole/slot; more is better in this case. Contrary to popular belief, this technique is best used by itself because you don't want the RA to notice the glue job when they initially leave their room. When the RA returns from his class to get his final culminating assignment that is due in 15 minuets and can't get in his room then rolls up in the fetal position crying, you will understand the full power of The Lockout. Risk/Danger to self:
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The Piss Bomb
Often considered the bigger and bladder brother of the Piss Frisbee, the Piss Bomb is truly a forced to be reckoned with. While not as commonly used as the Frisbee (because of the huge testcular requirement for doing it) the Bomb is still capable of doing both severe physiological and damage to the targeted victim. You may want to consider wearing gloves as you follow the steps below:
If done successfully, your RA will awake to the foulest stench he has ever smelt. He will turn over and see a huge green swamp below his bed and will be unable to get out of bed much in the same way a duck can't get off an island surrounded by crocks. The stain will last the whole year and the smell with last at least a week. The bomb has been dropped. Risk/Danger to self:
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The Shit Shotgun
Ahh...the Shit Shotgun...cold...infectious....devastating. The shotgun should be reserved for only the biggest bags of douche. If you plan to use the Shit Shotgun , be ready to get your hands dirty...
Make sure to WASH your hands after this one! The RA's room will be covered in feces, tubgirl style. Risk/Danger to self:
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Going Ape (hardcore)
This is the stuff legends are made of. I only recommend Going Ape Hardcore under extraordinary circumstances. Ape Hardcore should only be preformed by trained professionals so please children don't try this at home. To use this technique follow the steps below.
Warning: Make sure you use water based green marker as oiled based markers could irritate your dick. Also as a side note you should check you local laws before Going Ape Hardcore as it might be illegal depending on where you live. Risk/Danger to self:
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