Where can you find Vampires?

    Unfortunately one doesn’t have to look hard to find these degenerates.  From the dumpster outside your house to the local movie theater, these smelly shitfucks are everywhere.  Of course vampires can be found more commonly at Hot Topic stores, arcade rat holes and Emo Concerts.

How can I spot a Vamp?

    Usually, you don't actually have to see the vampire, because you'll get a horrible gut-wrenching urge to vomit. Spotting a vampire is also extremely easy. Look for the trademark pale skin, tribal facepaints, Hot Topic clothes, and spikes. They move in packs consisting of 3 to 7 vampires, and theres usually at least one fat girl.

What different kind of vampires are there?

    All vampires come from France and smell like shit. Belonging to the Family Pteropodidae, the three main Genera are Lamiacruentus, Lamiamensme and Lamiainfirmus which can be broken down further into many different specific vamps.  The documentary goes into great detail as to the different kind of vampires you may encounter.

Who is protecting us from Vampirism?

    There are many hunters that selflessly dedicate their whole lifes to fighting this scum. Some more famous examples of vamp hunters include: Blade, Terminator Robot, Ghostbusters, Cervantes, Bob Marley and Ving Rhames. These individuals exemplifly our principals. They dedicate their lives to hunting vampires and throwing kick-ass parties. As you can see, vampirism is a problem that crosses ethnic boundries. We need more vampire hunters to stop the growing trend.

Why do vampires smell so bad?

    Like I said earlier, Vampires are from France.  Everyone knows that the french don’t take baths, don’t wear deodorant and even wear their underwear inside out when it gets dirty.  Also while humans are 61.8% water, vampires are composed of 98.3% poop.  This incredible difference in composition is primarily due to diet and is the main reason vampires smell like a dingo's anus.  Vampires, like Kowala bears and Pandas, have a very strict diet. This diet is composed of  Dole fruit cups, lip gloss and poop.  Making it a very shitty situation for everyone.

Spiderman166666 asks: What is the best way to slay a vampire?

    Well first off Spiderman, slaying vamps isn’t for everyone, but I’m very glad that you’re interested in slaying these smelly savages!  You have to have a strong grip to tear out the vampire’s voice-box so it can’t yelp to its buddies for help.  Then you should stuff garlic in the vamps mouth and stab it in the heart with a stake.  The documentary goes into further detail about the slaying of vamps.  Be careful! Vamp slaying should only be attempted by trained professionals!!

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